Vacuum Sealed
"Ok now I'm going to show you the movement. Please just watch the first time around".
We all know why she says 'please' like that. Rainbow's going to ignore her and try and do it anyway. She always does. Without fail. I think Julia's a bit exasperated. I try not to look. But it's like a car accident: grizzly, but you can't help yourself.
Rainbow Modesto Glittersmacks is in her mid 70s. She's got frizzy grey hair about shoulder length and a face with more wrinkles than an elephant's ass. She's thin. Rail thin. Her hips are thin too, but there's an inordinately large amount of flesh on her bottom. It looks wierd. From the back it's almost like she's wearing a diaper. From the front, you can tell she isn't.
I'm not even sure if she likes Tai Chi. After the first couple of classes I overheard her complaining about how there isn't enough focus on the breathing, how yoga is much better, blah blah blah. But there she is, every class, without fail.
If it were me I'd cut my losses. She is, by far, the worst in the class. At numerous points in the set she'll be facing the wrong way, or moving the wrong hand, or just totally clueless about where to move next. I've come close to explosive laughter at least a few times. Maybe it would help if she actually watched the teacher do the movement first instead of trying to do it straight away. But no.
I really believe that if it were just the frustrating way she ignores the teacher, or the fact that she sucks and is distracting, or the fact that she wears a Helly Hanson jacket and thinks she's 23, or even the daiper-butt, I'd be able to deal with Ms. Rainbow Modesto Glittersmacks. Alas, it is not only these things that make it difficult to deal.
From day one, Rainbow has elected to wear form-fitting active wear. Very form fitting, and on a form most would not want to have to fit. I've often wondered if she isn't trying to vacuum seal her body in an effort to preserve freshness. Because each and every protruding bone, curve, and flap of skin is in full view. Thus, one of the regular features of my morning Tai Chi classes is a full blown 70+ camel toe. Full blown. And there's not a soul in the class who doesn't notice it.
Now I know that the achievement of a flowing, meditative state is an important goal for the Tai Chi initiate, but let me tell you, if your class features Rainbow Modesto Glittersmacks a.k.a the Toe, you're going to need a helluva lot more practice time. I wonder if Julia has a plan of attack. Or if I should try to formulate one.
Any suggestions?
posted by mcwads @ 1:09 PM
Comments: 1
